short jokes to brighten your day(:

A man was jogging down a road one day when he saw a legless armless woman crying on a bench. he asked he what was wrong and she told him she had never been hugged before, so he reaches over and hugs her then continues jogging. the next day she was there crying again and the man said whats wrong now? she said she had never been kissed so he leaned over and kissed her. the need day she was crying and he was gonna gi on by but he decided to ask obe more time why she was sobbing today. she said its was because she had never been fucked before. so he proceeds to pick her up and throw her in the pond beside the bench. as he jogs away he says “there, now you’re fucked!”

Q:what do you tell a woman with to black eyes?
A: nothing, you already told her twice.

why does every man need a woman?
because the dishes would get piled up if he didnt have one.

Q:whats the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the doctors office?
A: the god damned dishes if she knows whats good for her.

Q:why are jewish doctors rich?
A: they keep the tips.

why didnt anyone hear helen keller when she fell down the well?
she was wearing mittens…

just kidding she screamed her hands off.

how do you start a jewisg marathon?
roll a penny down a hill.

who was the best jewish cook evar?
Adolf Hitler.

did you know that 70% of the gay population were born that way?
the other 30% were sucked into it.

a man walks into a bar with a dog and claims it can talk, he says gimme a beer and ill show ya. the bartender does and the man says fido whats over our head? the dog says roof! the irritated bartender says any dog can do that so the man says fido who is the best baseball player ever and the dog says ruth! the bartender kicks them out. while on the sidewalk the dog looked at the man and says, ” do ya think i should have said DiMaggio?”