Pimp Essay 3

SEX
Everybody who has a dog calls him “Rover” or “Boy”. I call mine “Sex”.

He’s a great pal but he causes be a great deal of embarrassment.\ When I went to the city hall to renew his dog licence, I told the clerk I would like a licence for Sex. He said “I’d like one too!” Then I said “But this is a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said “You don’t understand. I’ve had Sex since I was nine years old.” He winked and said “You must have been quite a kid.”

“When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for us and a special room for Sex.” The clerk told me we wouldn’t need a separate room; as long as we paid the bills they didn’t care what we did. “Look, you don’t understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said “Funny, I have the same problem.”

One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own ticket. “But you don’t understand. I had planned to have Sex on TV.” He said “Now that cable is around, it’s no big deal any more.”

“When my spouse and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said: “Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married.” The judge replied “The courtroom is not a confessional. Stick to the case please.” Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said “Me too.”

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked “What are you doing in this alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?” I told him I was looking for Sex