Pimp Essay

Julio Velastegui

CP Earth Science, Period 3
20 November 2009

Global Warming
Global warming in an idea that the globe is warming. Global warming is bad because it drives the earth’s heating bill way up, leaving no money left for inter-planetary poker night. It is believed to be caused by man. Because of this, one solution to global warming is to kill off all mankind; however, Liberals do not want to do this because, well, they are liberal.
Luckily, the United States has found a way around this liberal problem by starting numerous wars, thus killing off many people who contribute to global warming. In fact, the United States is so awesome that we have started this anti-global-warming-war-campaign before global warming existed, when we fought the Revolutionary War of 1812 and won our independence from Canada. In recent times, people have proposed less interesting methods to solve global warming. But to understand these methods, we must understand that global warming is caused by greenhouse gases. The main bad guy in this group of gases is the silent but deadly CO2. This gas is made every time we breathe, so it seems that to fix the world, we must stop breathing (animals too). There is a “green” method too, but no one cares about it, mainly because Al Gore suggested it.
In conclusion, global warming is a hater and the earth is a boss. And although numerous other “Green Nazis” have tried to reprimand the United States for fixing Global Warming, they are just trying to steal our swagger. Like Hitler!