my English coursework

i havent got a name for is aswell but pleace read it and give me your opinion thank you :D and btw the gun is real in it.
it is ment to be a creative piece so i made up a random story, its my frame of mind. read away and comment :D

It was a hot sticky atmosphere at the wedding reception; it was one of the hottest days of the year and a happy time, except for one person. The person in question was sitting on his own near the drinks table drinking a glass of red wine. The mans real name was Neville Smith; however he called himself Jack smith.

One of the main reasons he was sitting on his own at a wedding was it was his brother wedding. Jack knew that he had to be there he had sat through 2 months of preparations and the ceremony. However there was another reason that he was there, he was told to be there by his boss.

His brother’s new bride was tall and slim and worked in a company which sold toys from Japan and china to England and most of Europe. This was important as security on toys is generally less than most other baggage when being transported.
But what she really did was black market smuggling, for instance instead of a create load of water pistols they would be guns hidden in the shell of water pistols or a lorry full of teddy bears all stuffed full of cocaine worth £250,000 each.

Jack’s agency first heard about this trading from the Chinese government who purely by accident found a lorry with over £2.7 million or drugs onboard. To try and keep relations good they accepted to take them out.

It was nearing midnight and the new couple would be retiring to their hotel room. Jack stood up and walked over to his new sister and said “congratulations Julia” (that was her name) “I hope that you will feel accepted into our family” Jack felt a bit of irony having said that knowing what he was about to do. He congratulated his brother and left, muttering under his breath a horrific swear word toward her, Jack did hate her with a vengeance.

Arriving at his car jack got in and drove into the night, along the long twisty roads of France until he arrived at his vantage point.
When a government or agency says deal with this person they really mean kill them and Jack knowing this had a certain amount of regret.

Jack the day earlier had set up his equipment he had made a small clearing big enough for a man to lie down on. Having checked up on his monitors and camera feeds he walked back to his car and opened the boot. Inside was a black case about 4 feet long and heavy. Its contence was illegal for a citizen to own anywhere in the world it was only allowed for covert operations like this one.

Jack changed from his suit to a tailor made covert suit that was a dark navy blue which is better than black for outside in the dark. He opened the case and took out a M110 sniper rifle; he chose this weapon because it had a huge clip and could fire extremely fast and still maintain accuracy.

He lay down at his clearing and set up his gun, attaching a silencer and extending the stock to absorb more recoil. And now he said to himself “Now we play the waiting game”.

Jack spent the next 10 minutes checking wind and measured the distance between the hotel and him. His laser distance measurer which somehow had been made into a 1 inch long tube said that the hotel room was 654.56 feet away.

Looking at the hotel room he saw shapes moving around inside, his brother and new sister were in. “Took your bloody time”! Jack muttered.
He took the safety off and began scanning what he could see looking for the right moment.

Jack knew that the bride smoked and that the hotel had smoke detectors everywhere so smoking would have to be done on the balcony. Jack was willing to wait for hours to get this kill; it was just another “job” on his government file.

Two hours came and went and jack was getting impatient, he had two choices: litter the place with bullets or go in there and pay a little visit in their sleep. He decided to do the faster option: unloading everything.
He decided to switch his M110 sniper rifle from single shot to semi automatic this means that he could fire a 50 cal round ever second and silently thanks to the brand new silencer.

He readied himself and unleashed everything he fired 20 50 cal tracer rounds into the bedroom where he knew that his brother and Julia were. And each round didn’t exceed 40 DB where it would normally reach over 100DB

The room was a mess and he could see that the tracer fire had set fire to the bedding and sheets. Jack thought that the fire would dispose of the evidence and that someone smoking would have started the fire and there would be no suspicion of a assassination.

Having finished his job jack packed up everything and put it in his car. He sat in the driver’s seat and opened the glove box inside was a 1st class plane ticket to Toronto to help him ease the blow of the job that he has done.

  • June 3, 2010, 1:59 am
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Reply Attach
  • 1

    i thinks it's good i just think you could have him confirm the kill unless you are going to put spin on it :)

    • gw2250
    • June 3, 2010, 12:35 pm
  • 1

    Interesting story, a few grammar mistakes and it could use more detail and instead of using abbreviations, use the full term.

  • 1

    i got to get the rest of this continue it

  • 1

    This is very good work, but I'd like to read more please.

    • dogggy
    • June 4, 2010, 6:00 am
  • 1

    shit i thought i got all of the abbreviations thanks man

    • BEASTY
    • June 4, 2010, 11:39 pm
  • 1

    ok ill continue it if u want :D

    • BEASTY
    • June 4, 2010, 11:40 pm
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