genies and magic
Maggot Pie is a funny book im reading at the moment, I wont give too much away but here is the blurb:
Jiggy McCue is the unluckiest kid in town.
He wants some good luck for a change.
But instead of luck he gets a genie.
A teenage genie who turns against him.
Then the maggoty dreams start.
Dreams which, with his luck and this genie,
might just come true.
And here are some hand picked genie related jokes:
A poor little lonely old lady lived in a house with only her cat as a friend. One day, the lights went out as she sat knitting; she had been unable to pay the electric bill. So, she went up to the attic and got an old oil lamp from her childhood. As she rubbed it clean a genie appeared and allowed her three wishes.
“First, I want to be so rich I never have to worry about money again.”
“Second, I want to be young and beautiful again.”
“And last, I want you to change my little cat into a handsome prince.”
As you would expect, there was a loud explosion, with a lot of thick smoke. As the smoke cleared she saw she was surrounded by big bags of coins, and that in the mirror was a young beautiful woman. She turned as the handsome prince walked in the door, held her in his arms and said, “Now I’ll bet you’re sorry you took me to the vet for that little operation.”
There was a girl looking at old stuff in her attic when she found a bottle. She pulled out the cork and out came a genie.
“Since you freed me from this bottle, I will grant you one wish,” said the genie.
“I wish that I could be irresistible to boys,” said the girl … and POW! The girl turned into a brand new shiny car.
A man wandered into a bar one day. He had the world around his neck, and he was looking to crawl into a whisky bottle and stay there. After a couple of doubles, he slowed down a little, and looked up. He had half heard the piano playing, but had not realised who was playing it…
There, on a table, was a tiny piano, with a tiny piano player to match; no more than a foot tall. Forgetting his own problems, he wandered over and stood spellbound until the music stopped. Then, shaking his head in disbelief, he returned to the bar and called the barman
“Hey, where did you get that piano player?” he asked, and got back a poisoned glare.
“Aw, c’mon, there has to be a story here..”
“There is,” says the barman “and I’m sick of telling it. I was down on the beach one day, and I shuffled into the sand to get more comfortable. Place was full of rubbish and I turned up this old brass lamp. I rubbed it, thinking there might be a date or inscription or something. Anyway, out comes this cloud of smoke and a Genie appears… you know, turban, scimitar … the whole works. And he tells me I’ve got just one wish.”
“Well? what did you wish for?”
“I’ll tell you this,” snarled the barman ” I did not wish for a 12 inch pianist”
Three blondes were stranded on a small island. As they were walking down the beach, they found a lamp. On the side it said, “Rub here for three wishes.”
As it was getting dark, and there was little in the way of shelter, they decided to rub the lamp, and out popped a Genie: “I will give each of you one wish.”
The first blonde wishes to become a brunette. She then swims across the lake.
The second blonde wishes to become a red head. She gets in a boat and rows across the lake.
The third blonde wishes to be a man. He walked across the bridge.