Funny Beavis And Butthead Quotes

“Have you ever noticed that Madonna is always masturbating during her videos?”
“Heh, hem, yeah, so am I.””

“Tattoos are cool.”
“Yeah, I wish I was born with one.”
“You’re not born with tattoos, dumbass. You get them when you join the navy.”

“Whoa! It’s the President of England!”
“Yeah, she jams!”

“Hey Beavis, let’s pretend we’re dead.”
“Yeah, eh heh heh, that would be cool.”

“Hammers are cool.”
“Yeah, I like to take hammers, and just break stuff, just break stuff.”

“She beat her carpet.”
“Yeah, we should do that.”
“Yeah. It looks cool.”

“This is like a James Bond movie.”
“Yeah. They need that short guy, HandJob.”
“Heh heh heh, you said ‘Job’.”

“The angle of the dangle is adversely proportional to the heat of the beat.”
“Whoaaa! You’re pretty smart, Beavis.”

“Uhh, I have an injury.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I have this great big crack in my butt.”

“He complains too much.”
“You’d complain too if you sucked!”

“I hate when mimes get in your face and don’t say anything.”
“Yeah, I usually kick them in the ‘nads and they say something. Usually it’s ooh…unh…aahh.”

“Okay boys, what do you have under your clothes?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Is he talking about humping a hound? Huh huhuhuh huh.”
“Heheh henh henh hmm heh. Yeah, that’d be cool. Heh heh hmm henh.”
“It would?”

Beavis: They should have a name for this kinda of music.
Butt-head: They already do, Beavis: crap.

Butt-head: These guys remind me of Danzig and my butt.
Beavis: That’s not very nice, Butt-Head.
Butt-head: Yeah it is. My butt rules!

Beavis: [as Cornholio] Do you have T.P. for my bunghole? I would hate for my holio to get polio.

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, is it normal for the inside of your bunghole to itch?
Butt-head: Beavis, it’s not even normal to ask.

Butt-head: This bowling ball isn’t human! It doesn’t feel pain! It can’t be reasoned with!

Butt-head: [Beavis & Butthead after “sensitivity training”] How about a hug?
Beavis: Shut up! Or I’ll wound your inner child! Heh hmmhh heh! And then I’ll kick your ass!

Woman in music video: I feel like such an ass.
Butt-head: I feel like an ass too. Beavis, go out and get me an ass.
Beavis: Heh-heh, okay. Would you like some boobs to go with that?

“uhh, it has to be on the menu sir”
“No, Dumbass, I’m with Immigration”
“oh really? where?”