Funny Advice Post

Originally Posted by Sakapaka
I like this girl, but its hard to talk to her. Very hard. Girls in general. Yeah I know, lame lame lame. Anyways so I heard her talk about star wars a few days ago. I like star wars too, and I had a costume in my closet. This costume was of Han Solo, and I wore it for Halloween last year. I decided to wear the costume to school today. Well, the class I had with her wasn’t until 3rd period, so I had a long way to go until she could see me. First period was a ****ing nightmare, English 2. The second I walked into the classroom, people started whispering and **** about me. Well you know how the people who are friends with everyone just play stuff off as a joke when something bad happens? Well, I am not friends with anyone, and I tried this, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CE DON’T TRY THIS! I said something like “Aha yeah guyssss Han SOLOOOOO (I said it like how that song says ballin) is pretty sexy”. Every just gave me a blank stare.

At this point, the teacher awkwardly stepped in and started his lesson. All through the class I was getting all hot and sweaty because I was so ****ing nervous and embarrassed. As soon as class ends I sprint out of there and into the bathroom. It occurred to me that I might have sweat stains all over me, but luckily there was nothing. I went to the stall, and sat down to pee. NOW BEFORE YOU GUYS MAKE FUN OF ME! I always have split streams. I don’t know ****ing why. But if I stand next to the urinal to pee on it, I either hit the guy on my left or right, while one stream hits the urinal. And considering I was wearing a ****ING HAN SOLO OUTFIT PEEING ON PEOPLE the ending wouldn’t of been happy. So anyways, I pull my pants down and then look up to the ceiling. I was praying to god that when I walked out of the urinal that my cloths would magically change to something normal. I didn’t want to be Han Solo anymore. So I pull my pants up, and guess ****ing what. Not only did I not wipe my wang good enough, getting some spots on my boxers, THERE WAS A PUDDLE OF SOMEONE ELSES PEE ON THE FLOOR IN A PUDDLE! GUESS WHERE MY PANTS WERE! YEAH ****ING RIGHT! IN THE PUDDLE! So I have someone’s pee on my leg, and now I gotta go wash my hands. Well, I pretended to spill the water all over my leg, and put some on my shirt too. If someone asks what it is, I will just say “Yeah, turned the sink up too much I guess lol”.

So I walk out of the bathroom, and I was off to 2nd period. My second period class was Art, hopefully there was a chance artists were found of star wars. I walk in there, everyones first reaction was “Why the hell are you dressed as Han Solo?” I panicked and said “Uh the sink overflowed too much I turned it up.” Everyone didn’t really understand, it took me a second to realize how stupid my reply was. I just gave a blank look and sat back down. We sit at tables, which means 2 people are always across from me, and usually they never look at me. Today however, they stared at me like I was scum on their shoe. They asked the same ****ing question “WHY ARE YOU HAN SOLO”. Jesus christ stop asking me this godforsaken question. I decided my reply from now on would be “I dunno”. Then they asked me why I was wet. I said “Holy christ I am wet because of a sink. Sink has water in it and some dumbass put gum on the sink part which makes it squirt and **** and it went all over my pants. They got a little suspicious of how the water had such a wide range on me, but I ignored the question. That period was finally over! 3rd period HERE I COME! So I went to the bathroom again to make sure I was looking as decent as I could in a Han Solo outfit. I was going to burn this piece of ****.

So I got to my next class, and there she was, staring at me. This was a dream come true. Now given, I imagined this a hell of a lot more romantic then her with a blank stare, but what the hell can you do in a Han Solo outfit. This was good enough for me. Then she started smiling. I then realized the smile wasn’t a smile, it was a ****Ing giggle. She was laughing at me to her friends. I panicked and said “Hey I am Han Solo whats your name?”. She then busted out laughing at me. She said “Wow you really are ***”. I asked her why she though that and she said “My friend said that you though Han Solo was hot and you dressed up like him”. My blood was ****ing boiling. The girl of my dreams thinks I am *** because of first period. First ****ing period screwed me over. I asked the name of her friend. It took me awhile to realize who it was, but eventually I figured what she looked like, she sits pretty far from me in English.

I sat through the rest of the class in shame. I kept looking at her and smiling, to be like the cool kid who always smiles or something. In all ****ing honesty I don’t know what I was thinking at that point. I just kept giving her this really weird fake smile hoping she would be like “Wow that smile is really hot, you aren’t *** after all I guess”. I was probably just freaking out though. I know now that would never happen. This was by far the worst class period, instead of just being asked questions, I was getting harassed now. The girl pretty much announced the class I was ***. I tried denying it, but unfortunately I got too worked up and there were tears in my eyes. Yeah that really ****ing helped my case. Everyone was saying things like “Awwww lil *** boy wants some luke skywalker **** to suck on huh? Well I’m not luke skywalker but you can suck mine loolololololol” Those idiots did this for the entire class, and the girl would just laugh.

This hell finally ended. Now I know for a ****ing fact, Emily ( the girl in my 1st period that told the girl I liked about my Han Solo sexy crap) goes through the same connection I do to get to her class. so i get there, I wait a bit, see her, she walks past me, I do a U-turn and follow her. She then walked into some class, I am not sure what it was, but it was in the foreigh language hallway.She then put her backpack down in the room, and walked out again. She looked at me, didn’t say a word, and kept walking. I waited a bit, then followed her.

So she talks with her friends for awhile, I walk by the conversation a few times, listening to bits and pieces of the conversation. I find out who her boyfriend is, considering he is in the conversation with her 2 feet away from me. So the chat ends, they kiss, and split ways. This was like a ****ing crossroads in my life. To be completely honest, I had no idea where this stalking thing was going. I decided against doing anything to the girl, because what ever I would do would get me beat up by like every person with a hand, even the freshman would try to take my life. I decided to follow the guy, hopefully he had no friends. It was getting pretty late in the locked break, but I really had no intention of going through a hellish period again. So I followed him until the piece of **** went to his locker. Bingo. I had his locker. I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do now. But ****, I had his locker. I waited for him to walk away, and luckily this was in a place that wasn’t really being traveled by teachers at that time. I could go into larger detail of what spots are patrolled by teachers, but I will make it short. Basically, there are hot spots WHERE YOU DON’T WANT TO ****ING BE WHEN THE BELL RINGS. These places change, depending on which teachers have plan periods. Really, it is impossible to know where the hotspots are without doing research around the school during all 4 locker breaks. I was very lucky.

So he finally leaves his locker, by the time he had, class had already started. This **** was a rebel it seemed. Anyways, his rebel ways were the downfall of him. he didn’t have a lock on his locker. it was like god gave me the 2nd prize, because he couldn’t change my outfit. I open it, just a normal locker. My original plan was to push my luck and hoped to find some drugs in here. Nope. That didn’t turn out well. But I found out his address and his class schedule. For those who don’t know, when you get schedules in the beginining of the year, it has all you **** on it, birthday, counselor, and address. I took a piece of paper from my backpack, and wrote it down. An idea occured came to me. Considering I am weak as ****, and this guy would kick my ass in a second, what would be the best way to do this? Threats. So I took another piece of paper, took a red pen out, and started writing “Hello Ben, how are you doing? Good I hope? Enjoy it. Because that is a fall sense of security you little piece of ****. I know where you live Ben, I also know where Emily lives. I just want you to keep that in the back of your mind while you slumber. Slumber Ben….Slumber”.

I smiled, because for once I am glad I had the Han Solo costume on, I felt pretty bad ass with it. I signed with “HS”. Now at the time I was feeling badass, and felt like I could take a bullet, so my common sense dropped quite a bit when I put down the intials for Han Solo. I did the same not writing process for all 4 classes, and put them in the appropriete books. They were stuff like “Ahhh Social studies. I took this class. Its a great class isn’t it Ben? You know, I loved to just take a nice long breathe of air in this class, I loved to look at the sky out of the window. Its these simple things you need to enjoy Ben, you shouldn’t take things like this for granted. Trust me on this one. You should really tell Emily the same thing, I have a feeling she takes it for granted too. Your very best pal, HS”. The other 3 were basically the same thing. If you guys want the other 3 I will give them to you later, but I have a feeling space is running out of this post. Anyways, I sat in the bathroom until class had ended. I hadn’t eaten my lunch yet, I know I haven’t addressed this yet but it is during 3rd period. Nothing really happened at lunch, so whatever. Anyways so I had a ham sandwitch that I ate in the stall. I had about 17 minutes to kill. Nothing exciting happened here either, I just walked around the stalls reading the writing, I laughed pretty hard a few times, then I think someone heard me and came in, I ran into the stall, locked the door, and put my feet up. I stayed in there the rest of the time after that. I only ate half of the sandwitch. Anyways, with 2 minutes to spare, I decided to go back down to the locker so I could see what he does. Well he opens the locker, does some stuff in there, then takes a look at my note. His eyes widened, and he showed it to the people around him. I exspected him to be scared, but of course he ****ing wasn’t. He then went back to the teacher and told the teacher about it. Well, I walk away cause I am scared ****less. And I walk out of school. Well, I see the kid with 2 cops, showing them the message. He hasn’t see the one I left in his books yet. Emily was there, and she was really scared and her friends were comforting her. I felt kind of bad, but she really did **** up my life. Even worse now. I even heard the cops followed both of them home.

So, thats pretty much the end. Nobody knows I am HS yet. Tommorow though, I have a feeling he will read these notes and the situation will escalate to some serial killer loose in the school. I am really scared about going tommorow, I didn’t hide my handwriting or anything. So if I am brought in I am pretty much screwed.

Well, I just got back from school guys.

I think this goes without saying, but I did not ****ing dress up as Han Solo today. I didn’t dress up as anything else either. Just normal every day clothes. So first period and I see emily, she is a little shooken up, but not that bad. She was pretty quiet though. Thats a good thing though. The class pretty much ignores me like always, which again, is good. Nobody talked to me about Han Solo or anything. Its like I wasn’t even there. I DID hear a few things about HS though. People kept turning around to comfort Emily. They were making threats to HS to make her feel better and ****. Well, not good for me, because unlike my threats, those threats are probably real. So I am sitting here saying “****” over and over. But you know, I would rather get beat up than get in trouble with the damn school. So class ends, I go to the bathroom again. I go to the bathroom after every class pretty much. I just look at myself in the mirror most of the time and pretend to wash my hands for like 5 minutes. People do get mad at me sometimes because I hog one of three sinks. I make some weird faces sometimes in the mirror. The worse part about it though is that I always think for some goddamn reason that if I look at someone through the mirror, they can’t see me. But I accidently stare at a guy using a urinal and he turns around with a pissed look on his face. Then I realize that he can see me looking at him. When that happens I just look back down at my hands and continue washing. I can usually go longer in the bathroom in this period because my next period is pretty close.

So I walk into 2nd period, and things were a bit different. Everyone was talking about me and Han Solo. Nobody really knew about HS to my knowledge in this class. I guess this was only a thing they told their friends, thats good. But still, I was being made fun of in this class too. I was also known as *** in this class. Which didn’t go well cause there IS a *** guy in there, but he wasn’t interested in me. He doesn’t talk to me. Pretty much the only people who talk to me in there are at my table. we dont get to choose our tables, but I like assigned seating better because I don’t have to awkwardly look around for an empty seat, or just sit by myself. There is always someone next to me, and sometimes we even have the same last name. I can usually make a conversation about that, it doesn’t really last long at all. I honestly don’t know why I bring up the name thing, it always ends up stupid, but I just tend to panic and go on and on about something stupid. Anyways they didn’t ask me about the ****ing Han Solo thing like they did yesterday, I think they saw I was pissed about it. They just kinda sat there and did nothing. About half way through the class, I was called to the office. Yeah thats right, the ****ing office.

So the teacher motions me to the door, and I walk out of the room. Now it is a pretty long walk to the office from here, which means the walk there just destroyed my mind. My heart was beating REALLY ****ING FAST and I seriously drank from every water fountain on the way and searched for stuff to throw away to go out of my way to get to a garbage can. I even started throwing pocket lent away. I even thought about just walking right by the office to out of school. I decided that idea was pretty ****ing stupid. There would just be a teacher out there like a vulture that would throw me back into the office. I even thought about going into the theatre room and pretending to be an actor, but I would stand out pretty badly would be found out. I just decided to take my punishment like a man.

So I walk in there and they tell me to sit and wait. I was thinking at this point why the hell they made me come here just to wait. Why couldn’t they call me when they were ready to see me. It did get me out of that weird 2nd period though. So it was only about a 2 minute wait, then I went in. Inside was the principal and my counselor, everyone has different counselors based on their last names by the way. I have the cool one I think, I don’t know I haven’t really talked to anyone about it, but I heard about it. Anyways so the principal tells me to have a seat, and he asks me what happened yesterday. I told him I dressed up as a character because I thought it would be fun, that was a lie of course. The counselor stepped in and asked me what the other kids thought about it. I pretty much told them that nobody in this school liked Han Solo! It was supposed to be a joke, but I was really nervous and it came out as more of a statement. I thought about going back and saying “Wait wait let me do that again please that was supposed to be a joke but I screwed up” but I was too nervous to say that too. They just pretty much started asking me like how did this make you feel, were you angry blah blah blah. I was just being counseled. Why was the ****ing principal here.I sort of wanted to say something about Ben, but I really couldn’t because he doesn’t know my name. So after ahwile they let me out. I thought I was home free. No trouble at all. They didn’t even notice.

So I return to class, do the stupid art ****, and I was off to third period. This was going to suck. The girl I like is here. I didn’t want to ****ing talk to her. I go to the bathroom again and I am getting looks from people in the mirror. That was natural but it was from people that I wasn’t even looking at. Anyways I finish up there and head to my doomsday. I walk in and immediatly the two guys that were making *** jokes to me are questioning me. The girl I like apparently told EVERYONE about emily in the class. I don’t know how someone found this out, but they ALSO knew I was called to the office 2nd period. Everyone assumed I was ****ing HS. I think the reason the school people didn’t know, was because when I said Han Solo, they didn’t realize that those were two seperate words and they started with an H and a S. Well ****. This kids pieced it together. I am being ****ing accused and threatened about being HS. Especially from the girl I liked. Can you guys even imagine what that ****ing feels like? I am being torn down by the girl I loved. They didn’t even have any ****ing proof, thats not why I was called to the office. Sure, I was HS but they had the WRONG ****ing proof, which means I am still ****ing winning. HS could of been someone named High School or something I don’t ****ing know but they didn’t have the right to accuse me of this. Unfortunatly, at times like these I get really quiet and when people yell at me I get really scared and my eyes turn red sometimes. Finally class starts and everyone is done yelling. Lukily I don’t sit next to any of the people who wanted to kill me. Lunch came and I ran as fast as I could to my table. It was a table where 3 people sat, all of us usually sat in different corners, never really talked, I do comment sometimes about how we both had sandwitches. Or we both bring our lunches while everyone else waits in line. I tried suggesting once that we bring the exact same lunch, so we would be like impersonating everyone else who gets the same lunch. Our lunch would be the same and different at the same time. He didn’t really respond to that, I kept the chatting between us down after that. Anyways I eat my sandwitch I go back to the bathroom.

I had about 10 minutes to spare, so I washed my hands and noticed they were really dried out. I took some hand lotion I keep in my pocket and used it. Its one of those sample ones. I then washed my hands again and realized I washed the lotion out. So I took it out and put it back on again. I returned to class and sat there and talked with the teacher for awhile, so that nobody would mess with me while they were coming in.

So after a long class period, I run out as fast as I can and see Emily talking with her usual group. Well, Ben found his other notes. He found the fourth period one too. I guess he looked ahead. So he was showing it to her and she started freaking out more. Well, I was stupid enough to try the whole hid behind a newpaper thing and some kid I have never ****ing seen in my life tell them the kid with the newspaper was me. Well, all of them thought I was HS now. I guess the girl I liked told them about me. I am ****ing amazed how fast this **** travels through school. It really makes me hate text messaging. I have unlimitied, but I have only used 2 of them, I sent a picture of something to my email twice on accident. Anyways so Ben is asking me who the **** I was. I told them my name and he started saying **** like “Hey I don’t know if you are HS, I am not saying you are, but if you are I am going to ****ing kick your ass.” I thought he was kind of nice, I mean obviously not the threat but the fact he didn’t accuse me off the bat. I thought me and him could be friends, but then I thought against it considering I hated him and I stalked him. Well I was kind of scared so I walked away without saying anything. I didn’t think Ben was much of a threat at this point, but the kids from third period were. 2 of them that were doing alot of the threats to me hang out in the big area at the enterance of the school. Which is my exit. So I go through 4th period and nothing exciting really happened. The day was finally over. So I was going to leave, i was really scared though. I saw them standing in their usual place, and I knew they were looking at me. You know those spies and **** with the glasses that can see behind them? Well they were wearing sun glasses and I swear to god I saw mirrors. Well I ran to the first piller and hid behind it. Then I ran to the secone. People were giving me some weird looks, but as long as I keep my life I am fine. Anyways, I rush the door, I forgot it was a pull and not an open so I kind of slammed into it. The reason I got confused though was because the 2 sets of doors open two different ways, I usually go through the other one. BUt that was like right next to them. Well it seemed like they didn’t see me at all. I ran to my moms car pretty fast, I stepped in some mud though, I didn’t even realize it had rained today. I was pissed and so was my mom because I got mud on the damn car.

So all in all, it could of been of been worse. I just hope they don’t report me being HS to the school on Monday.

Any advice plz?, thanks.