Dilbert’s Words of Wisdom

– I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good, either.

– I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

– I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

– Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

– There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

– Tell me what you need and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

– Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and somedays you’re the statue.

– Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.

– I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

– Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling?”

– My Reality Check bounced.

– On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

– I don’t suffer from stress. I’m a carrier.

– You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

– Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

– Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.

– Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.

– Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?