And you thought you were having it bad

The life of an egg.

You get laid once
It takes 4 minutes to get hard
It only takes 2 minutes to get soft
You share your place with 5 other guys
After 3 minutes in the hot tub, you get your head cracked and poked by a load of soldiers
But worst of all, the only chick that ever went down on you was your mom

^_^