Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest.

The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Julie.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized taser.
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no
long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate
time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story shortened, I bought the device and brought
it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed.

I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it
against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of
electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.


Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and
thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &
blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for
a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a
sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in
one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
your assailant; a two-second burst is supposed to cause muscle spasms
and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy,
bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best…

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one
second burst from such a tiny lil 'ole thing couldn't hurt all that
bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...


I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up
in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the foetal position, with
tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the
oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging
to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an
attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the
living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when
you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is
dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing
at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up
and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it was

My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.

My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom
lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for
sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant
reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift
and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

  • Math
  • July 20, 2010, 11:08 pm
You might be interested


Reply Attach
  • 4

    mate im sorry to tell ya but this is a repost of a post of mine "pocket tazer misadventure" but +3 anyway edit - link

  • 4

    "Don't taze me bro!"

  • 3

    Mate your loss for being too lazy to read it!

    • Math
    • July 21, 2010, 11:55 am
  • 2

    Don't use a tazzer on yourself no matter how small the batteries are.

  • 2

    To be fair though I'd still do it.

  • 1

    summarise it in a sentence :)

    • BEASTY
    • July 21, 2010, 11:41 am
  • 1

    you deserve it for wearing a tank top...

    • Dannyl
    • July 21, 2010, 11:48 am
  • 1


    • BEASTY
    • July 21, 2010, 11:53 am
  • 1

    yes i would do it to (also i cant read alot of writing on a screen my eyes go funny)

    • BEASTY
    • July 21, 2010, 11:58 am
  • 1

    That blows man you missed out on a great post.

  • 1

    i know huh shitt

  • 1

    id still do it

  • 1

    lmfao 8 ft from original spot

  • 1

    My next post is yours mate!
    I'm guilty of not searching for "taser"!

    • Math
    • July 21, 2010, 11:56 pm
  • 1

    its alright man we all have slip ups

  • 1

    It's OK man I've already done it!
    Go find!

    • Math
    • July 22, 2010, 9:17 am
  • 1

    wow man thank you.

  • 1

    you know... the ones the military MP's use hurt alot... just sayin

    • February 5, 2011, 2:09 am
  • 1

    we are not so diffrent, i once pepper sprayed myself

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