Life Lessons

My father once told me, be strong, Strength, will help you break things.
My mother once told me, if life gives you lemons, throw them at people who own expensive cars.
My grandmother once told me, if you want to be successful in life, forget about it because you're a retard. I'm not sure what she meant by that, but I'm pretty sure it's good advice.
My brother once told me, Punch, Kick, Stab, Punch, Kick, Stab. Just kidding! Those were things he was doing to me, we weren't very close...
My Grandfather once told me, when the going gets tough, and then he fell down the stairs... He never did finish that thought..
My aunt once told me, we have nothing to fear, but fear.. of tigers.
My stepmother once told me, an eye for an eye.. makes the whole world look funny because noone will have any eyes.
My best friend once told me, Give me your wallet or I'm going to blow your fucking head off! That was the first and last time we ever hung out.. But it was awesome.
A wise old man once told me, I'm a wise old man, so I'm allowed to touch you in the bathing suit area. He taught me a lot of things..
My uncle once told me, believe in yourself, work hard, and try not to have sex with other peoples wives.

I will leave you with these words of wisdom. Remember, it's not what your country can do for you, but what your country can steal from other countries.

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  • 2

    My epileptic brother once told me, gaflcvrcbdksjnashhbvehveojij.

    • Jozzoh
    • September 4, 2011, 7:33 pm
  • 1


    • Disco
    • September 4, 2011, 12:46 pm
    May these lessons help you, I know they helped me.
    - DarkHunter September 4, 2011, 1:20 pm
  • 1

    if no one has any eyes then how do they know if it looks funny

    • hightec
    • September 4, 2011, 3:57 pm
  • 1

    I will study your ways and become a master in the art of your epic family!!!!!!!
    samurai bowing

    • adduco
    • September 6, 2011, 7:28 am
    Use them wisely my friend, may they help you overcome struggles.
    - DarkHunter September 6, 2011, 7:44 am
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