How to be a Gentleman and How to be a Lad

How to be a Gentleman: -

1. Have both a rural and urban residence.
In this modern age, owning two or more residences should be more than common place. One should be located in the nearest large city, preferably London and only in the most wealthy and fashionable areas. None of this 'Cheapside' toff. The other should be situated in the attractive British country. The counties of Hampshire, Surrey and Sussex are all acceptable.

Rosings Park

kensington - how to be a gentleman and how to be a lad

2. Hire a personal man-servant, or valet.
Call the local firm and be sure to hire your own 'gentleman's gentleman' to take care of any mundane chores around your residencies. This should include cooking, cleaning, washing of clothes and even running your baths. They should be able to drive you and advise you, rather like your own Jeeves from the P.G. Wodehouse novels.

jeeves - how to be a gentleman and how to be a lad

3. Drive only the best.
German and Italian cars are somewhat good, however the ideal gentleman should drive a true British classic, such as a Jaguar E-Type or and Aston Martin DB5. These should be well kept and stored in a private garage away from the prying eyes of the common rabble.

Aston Martin DB5

Jaguar E Type

4. Speak properly.
Swearing is forbidden. Ideas should always be conveyed in a concise and well-delivered format befitting communication with royalty. Subject matter is another thing altogether. With fellow gentlemen, cars and sport are both acceptable criterion. With women, these should be avoided for fear of boring them, and should instead be occupied with chat of the weather, past meetings and mutual acquaintances.

Hand Shake

How to be a Lad: -

1. Have a batchelor pad in the heart of London.
Who cares where the fuck it is, simply be sure that it's large, spacious and modern, with plenty of bedroom and tonnes of flatscreen TV's all about the place. Posters should take care of the wall space and the drinks cabinet should always be full, the fridge stocked with beer.

Batchelor Pad

2. Girlfriends.
If you feel boring and must get a girlfriend, then make sure she can take care of all the shit you don't want to. This includes cleaning the loo's, feeding the dogs (no faggy cats about) and, above all, making sandwiches.

Sandwich Maker

3. The most modern cars.
To be honest, any car past 2007 will do, as long as it doesn't look like a pile of shit. Honda Civics will do the job, with Mini's chucked in for good measure. Anthing that really fuckign shouts 'boy racer'. All lad-points will be removed if seen driving a Beetle, a Fiat 500 or a Nissan Micra. GAY!

Honda Civic

mini - how to be a gentleman and how to be a lad

4. Chat.
Around the mates, anything can be said, from masturbation, to who won the match last night. Each conversation should involved sport, women and drinking at least once. None of this deep, meaningful crap. With women, the tactics change. Be nice, although direct, flirting massively and trying to get her in the sack as quickly as possible.

bar - how to be a gentleman and how to be a lad

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  • Clarkie101
  • December 12, 2010, 1:39 pm
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  • 2

    Aspiring lad. Soon as i moved out lol

  • 1

    im middle ground here i have a high end apartment in seatle, and a 25 acre estate in montana, i drive an 09 subaru forester or a bmw m3, i have a maid so i would guest that would be middle ground between lad and gent, i have a hot girlfriend, and i chat with friends. i shall call it a ladleman

  • 1

    Number 4 under how to be a gentleman.... chat of the "weather"? Now that is positively boring. Talk of cars? Now that's hot.

  • 1

    the butler also needs a name like Jasper or Jeebs

    Jeebs? You mean Jeeves, my good fellow.
    - Clarkie101 December 13, 2010, 9:26 am
    both work
    - Tremp20k December 13, 2010, 1:53 pm
  • 1

    Well, whilst everyone's at it...
    Country House - High Trees Manor
    City Residence - Kensington
    Manservant - Young (in name, not age)
    Cars (Father's) - Jaguar E-Type, Jaguar XKR, Mercedes and more
    Speach - Fucking awesome, you slut

  • 1

    I say the life of a lad is most digusting talking to friends about topics one should keep to himself and trying to "flirt" as they call it nowadays with the local women. Now the life of a gentleman is truly magnificent driving a gentleman's car, having enchanting conversions with our fellow man. I do not like to brag but i do believe i have the speech required to be a gentleman do i not?

    • Deano10
    • December 13, 2010, 11:45 am
    The speech, albeit not the grammar, my dear fellow.
    - Clarkie101 December 14, 2010, 2:09 am
  • 1

    In America we don't have gentleman, we have "upscale yuppie assholes." If you're a lad, then in the states you're just considered an "everyday average asshole." Nice post. +3

  • 0

    House in city: Check (even if it is in Wales)

    Residence in country: Buckinghamshire. Check

    Car: Audi. German. Check

    Manservant: Jones. Near enough to Jeeves, I'm calling this one checked.

    Speak properly: Farkin' Check.


    • Ruleb
    • December 13, 2010, 9:41 am
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