Hell Explained

The following is an actual question given on university of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleaser of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely... I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct, leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

This student received an A+

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  • 6

    dude.... this guy is the definition of awesome

  • 3

    FTW XD
    hell freezes over

    • Kodi93
    • May 11, 2011, 5:36 am
  • 2

    If only I could write a paper like that.... Most professors would call it illogical and irrelevant.

  • 2

    its an okay thought, but its human instint to 'do it.'
    So if you wanna bitch and moan about how we 'sound like we haven't been laid,'
    keep in mind that we aren't all obsessed with getting laid.

  • 1

    that was rediculously awesome

  • 1

    nice. +3 explained it a whole lot better than i ever could.

    • gwa2003
    • November 11, 2009, 1:00 pm
  • 1

    That is horribly fantastic! +3 for being the best student ever!

  • 1

    I don't know what to say. That was fucking bad ass! +2 for the question and answer, then +1 for getting laid. :D

  • 1

    Wow that guy is awesome he not only is hilarious and got an A+ in College but got laid an the whole world knows it

    +3 for you my friend

  • 1

    that is quite funny

    • wertz3
    • November 11, 2009, 3:44 pm
  • 1

    hahahahahaha so frikin funny... +3

  • 1

    Halfway through, i was smiling. By the end i was in hysterics. +3

  • 1

    lmao that was great

  • 1

    uh.... my head hurts... to much sciency stuff.... +3

  • 1

    that was brilliant! what a legend


    • MTFunk
    • November 15, 2009, 5:39 pm
  • 1

    how could you not get an A on that... A+ was well deserved..well written my friend, i really want to meet him lol...thats epic

    • Stoy
    • November 15, 2009, 6:08 pm
  • 1

    i wish my mind was that analytical and decisive. i wish i could write in such an intricate manner like this person has just demonstrated. +3

  • 1

    Dude, that's the most epic thing I've ever seen! XD

  • 1

    That's the most bad ass thing I've ever read . +3 my friend (;

  • 1

    Chuck Norris just threw up his spine listening to that...no, it's more awesome than that. This man stopped the unstoppable force, and moved the immovable object at the same time, in different directions!!! +3 damn it!

  • 1

    i only have one word for this: EPIC

    • wolfman
    • November 16, 2009, 3:24 pm
  • 1

    lol i wish i could be like that

  • 1

    glad you all enjoyed it.

  • 1

    Was it published?

  • 1


    • Kaeso
    • December 8, 2009, 9:55 am
  • 1

    Thats Is amazing!

    • Gavin54
    • December 9, 2009, 7:40 am
  • 1

    That was interesting. I don't agree with what he said but he was most definatly an inteligent individual.

  • 1

    What a great idealogical view on heaven and hell ^^ +3

    • DocSir
    • December 27, 2009, 5:13 pm
  • 1

    That was a legendary guy

    • peace
    • January 18, 2010, 2:56 pm
  • 1

    I've been laid many times. And i have to say that is exactly why i am obsessed with it. But hey, maybe that's just me.

  • 1

    only one word fits: brilliant:D +3

  • 1

    i think he just wanted to brag about nailin teresa but thats just my idea

  • 1

    this Guy is a freaken genius!!

    • Mizuno
    • April 9, 2010, 10:49 am
  • 1

    probably, but he still wins. lol. Because this guy has won in more than one way.

  • 1

    hahaha insanely epic! +3

  • 1

    so much win I just want you to hold me s445x496 61840 580

  • 1

    since hell has frozen over i belive i have some dates tonight lmao +3

    • Jabori
    • September 23, 2010, 6:17 am
  • 1

    That was perfectly brilliant.

  • 0

    lol thats queit funny

    • stewiz
    • November 9, 2009, 10:20 am
  • 0

    that guy deserves numerous 'hi fives', not only because he absolutly OWNED the theory of hell and heaven, but because he got laid aswell.

    • North
    • November 11, 2009, 2:11 am
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