A Chat With Comcast

I’m sure no one will find this as entertaining as I, but I feel like I should post it anyway. As I’m sitting here bored, I decided to check my cable bill. Found an incorrect charge on it, so after 10 or so minutes of trying to find some way to contact customer support, I found a live chat option(my favorite!) Following is the transcript of the conversation with a Comcast Support Analyst(they have the worst customer support by the way). I will add my own commentary in parenthesis so that you may get the full effect.


CHAT ID: A067566B-9E81-424D-BFC0-37CAB8787475
Problem: I am being charged for an internet modem lease that I shouldn’t be. I have my own modem and that is what I am using. I don’t believe I should have to pay for something Comcast is, in fact, not providing.(Asked to provide with problem. I assumed to speed things along.)
Christian > Hello Greg, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Christian. Please give me one moment to review your information.(Typical. No problem)
Greg > My Issue: I am being charged for an internet modem lease that I shouldn’t be. I have my own modem and that is what I am using. I don’t believe I should have to pay for something Comcast is, in fact, not providing.(They quoted me…I didn’t actually say this again.)
Christian > Our goal is to provide you with a consistently superior customer experience – that’s our guarantee. I hope your day is well.(That’s a load of bull!)
Christian > Hi, Greg.
Greg > Hi
Christian > How are you?(Do they really care? Probably not. Just something PR makes them do to give their customers the false sense that they care)
Greg > Frustrated.
Christian > I am sorry to hear that.(Are you? You don’t even know the reason. It might be because I can’t get my fat hand out of the Pringles can again)
Christian > Greg, I will do my best to resolve your issue today about your modem charges.(Yippy! They may be as good as ATT customer service!)
Greg > I appreciate that.
Christian > May I know if you used your modem ever since your use our services?
Greg > Yes I have. The installer hooked in straight to it from the start. Never even brought a Comcast owned modem into my residence.
Christian > All right!
Christian > Let me go ahead and check your account first.
Christian > I will need 2-3 minutes to pull up the account. Would it be okay with you?(Surprised it wasn’t a 3 hour window like waiting for the installer)
Greg > Yes
Christian > Thank you for patiently waiting.
Christian > Before we go on, I would like to thank you for providing your account information on our security form prior to this chat session. For the integrity and protection of your account, please verify the last four digit of your SSN.
Greg > **** (Sorry, you’re not getting that)
Christian > Thank you for verifying.
Christian > Greg, I am seeing here you indeed own the modem and the $7.00 modem charge was added last 08/31/2013 in error.(Would I lie? $7 dollars is a bit ridiculous anyway)
Christian > Greg, there was a scheduled installation of Comcast Cable wires in your house on 09/10/2013 between 8AM – 8PM.(Yea…?)
Christian > Because of this, I cannot possibly remove the $7.00 modem rent on your account. But there’s nothing to worry about, we can still have the said charges remove on your account and waive the charges applied already for the number of days it was added.(LOL WUT?)
Christian > All you have to do is to contact us back after the installation schedule on 09/10/2013 will be done. Once it’s done, it will be remove on your account and we can then proceed in correcting your account.(Why must I wait for a Comcast error?)
Christian > We cannot possibly cancel the scheduled installation of Comcast Cable wires in your house since this will help in making your services properly work.(Well, yea…there are completely exposed cable wires strung out over the driveway just waiting for a lawnmower or angry beaver to demolish the very existence)
Greg > What exactly does burying cable wire have to do with an incorrect fee on my account? I’m perplexed.(Good question…don’t you agree?)
Christian > That’s a very good question. (Christian agrees!) I saw the noted “Analyst typing” for about three minutes…then it disappeared as if they gave up…reappeared for 2 seconds, then gone again.)
Greg > Do you have an equally as good answer? (I am really getting tired…and so everything is funny for me at this point. I laughed hysterically at this witty reply)
Christian > I tried to removed the $7.00 modem a while ago but it prompt me an error.(Oi vey!)
Christian > Can you please stay on line as I have this processed by our Sales manager?(I guess)
Greg > Not a problem.
Christian > Thank you for your understanding. (After a few minutes)
Christian > Thank you for patiently waiting.
Christian > Greg, I have a good news!(What ever could it be!?)
Christian > I was able to remove the $7.00 modem rent on your account and have it corrected as well so that you will get a $7.00 credit on your next month’s bill.(And….)
Christian > Isn’t that great?(Well…isn’t it!?)
Greg > That’s WONDERFUL!(Lol duh!)
Christian > Yeah, I am happy that I was able to do it.(See what you can accomplish when you believe in yourself!)
Greg > Happy happy happy!(Couldn’t resist)
Christian > Greg, your account is now corrected and you will no longer see any $7.00 modem rent on your future bills.(Thank the heavens!)
Christian > Did I resolve your issue today?
Greg > You sure did! I am eternally grateful to your willingness to cooperate and get my issues situated! Have a most wonderful day, Christian!(I bet I made Christian smile. :])
Christian > Greg, will it be alright if you can take a moment to complete the short survey that will follow our interaction when you close this chat by clicking “End Session” or “Exit Chat” button? Your feedback will help us to continue improving how we serve you.(Pfft, no. Ain’t nobody got time for that!)


I hope you have enjoyed this edition of Comcast Customer Service Chats!